(Yes, I am going to talk about orgasms!)
Growing up, I remember several moments with my girlfriends or my cousins when we giggled about ‘those scenes’, watched the pirated version of Fifty Shades at home, or went shopping to try on outfits that we were not allowed to wear outside.
On many occasions, I felt emotions, urges, and desires for which I had not known a word. I could not explain it, and I never came across any of my female friends mention anything similar. It was not until my ex said, ‘masturbation’, and I exclaimed, “Oh that’s what it’s called!?”
How could have I known?
Every aspect of a woman’s sexuality is kept a secret.
And now, if I do speak about it, I am considered ‘modern’ or ‘easy’. There was a harrowing incident that involved me saying ‘no’ to a very persistent, older man, and his reply was, “How disappointing. I didn’t know you were this traditional’.
Why is it that there is only an either/or of a woman, i.e. ‘a sati-savitri’ and ‘a femme fatale’? Why is sexuality attached to our other beliefs?
What We Learn and See
In my previous article, I spoke about how the topic of sex was avoided at homes. Avoided, but at least, acknowledged. Female sexuality, however, did not exist. Girls, younger than 15, are taught to not show skin, cover their curves, and to not indulge in ‘vulgar’ talks. A short skirt was a big deal. Pleasure was out of the question.
Kids are naturally curious, and avoiding the talk only leads to them finding out about sex from unreliable sources. In our pop culture (films, books, etc.), sex is predominantly shown from the male perspective. Female pleasure is almost always shown to be achieved through penetrative sex and within a few minutes. (What even!)
Movies like ‘Lipstick Under My Burkha’ and ‘Veere di Wedding’ garnered attention for their ‘controversial’ scenes, with the former film being banned due to its ‘lady-oriented’ and ‘fantasies above life’ narrative.
Fortunately, both films were released. The advent of films and series like ‘Lust Stories’, ‘Super Deluxe’, ‘Four More Shots Please’, show a positive step forward in portraying realistic versions of female sexuality.
What We Talk About and What We Should Be
We don’t talk about it!
To all the women readers. You cannot expect someone else to understand your body unless you know it yourself first. Exploring your needs will not only make you more confident in your skin, but it will also allow your partner to understand your wants better. Understand what you like, what you don’t like, or whether you like it at all!
An orgasm is not what you see or read about. It isn’t always that loud, knee-jerking, over-the-top, reaction that actors act out. And you definitely don’t always need sex (or a man) to have one. It’s about what satisfies and pleases you. And if you have questions or worries, try and speak to your friends about it or seek advice from a trusted professional.
To all the men. Honestly, just listen. Listen to what your partner likes and how they respond in different situations. If you’re unsure, ask. It does not make you any less of a man if you do not understand something.
Discussing it, respectfully (with boundaries and consent), with our friends and partners breaks the myths about female sexuality. It encourages non-judgmental spaces for future conversations for everyone. We might even learn a little something about the opposite gender. For instance, did you know that the sole purpose of the clitoris is to provide pleasure?
An entire organ designed only to feel good!
Can we please celebrate this amazing-ness?